Why Comparing Yourself to Others is a Dangerous Habit

Posted on July 27th, 2008.

How many of you are guilty of comparing yourselves to other people? Think about that question for a minute and be honest with yourself. Do you compare yourself to other people a lot? Do you compare yourself to other people every now and then? Or are you one of the rare few who never falls for this terrible trap? I’ll admit, in the past, I have been VERY guilty of this “emotional wellness” crime – and unfortunately, I paid the price by feeling awful about myself for a very long time. Thankfully, over the past few years, I have come to recognize the dangers that are associated with comparing myself to other people and have done a lot of internal work to help me overcome that hazardous habit. I hope that by sharing some of the things I have learned over the last little while about why people should never, ever compare themselves to others, I may be able to help at least one person who may struggle with this same thing.

Imagine yourself in this situation: You are at the swimming pool with your kids, feeling a little insecure about wearing a swimsuit in front of so many people, you’re embarrassed about baring your thighs to the world because of that stubborn cellulite that graces the backside of your legs, you feel uncomfortable as you pull in your stomach all day so the left-over bulge from your recent pregnancy doesn’t protrude out too far, and yet you try to push these thoughts to the back of your mind as you play in the pool with your kids, focusing on being a fun mom and enjoying the moment. 

 

Then walks by, a woman about your same age, with a baby younger than your own and you can’t help but notice how thin this mother is. She appears as if she has NO body fat, NO left over baby bulge, NO cellulite, basically NO imperfections whatsoever on her outer body and you suddenly wonder what is wrong with you. You wonder why you couldn’t be more like her and why it seemed so easy for other people to look great after just having a baby, even though you’ve been working out faithfully, eating well, and doing everything right. You begin to feel a little embarrassed and angry towards yourself because you perceive her to be better than you are… after all, she appears to be perfect in every way and you feel so far from it. 

 

Has this type of thing ever happened to you? Or am I the only one? I’m pretty sure I’m not the only girl out there who has ever felt this way at one time or another and I know first hand how these types of thoughts can absolutely ruin your sense of well being and joy. 

 

When we compare ourselves to other people and place ourselves below the person we are measuring up against, we are instantly planting a negative seed in our mind about our self worth. And if we feel less important about who we are – simply because someone else APPEARS to be MORE important than us, we are lying to ourselves and causing unnecessary sadness in our lives. We can’t compare ourselves to other people and expect to have an accurate result, because none of us are exactly alike. We are not comparing apples to apples. Nobody on earth is exactly the same and God intended for it to be that way. He created each of us to be individually unique and to have our own set of strengths, weaknesses, successes and challenges in life. One person may face challenges with their health and weight. Another person may face challenges with learning or with finances. You never truly know what other people struggle with and other people never truly know what YOU struggle with. So why compare? It’s never an accurate picture. 

 

I have had several experiences over the last few years which have taught me these truths and have helped me overcome my tendencies to compare myself to others. One major “AH-HA” moment I had was about three years after that day at the swimming pool. I was flipping through the channels on TV, and stopped when I saw the woman who I had compared myself to, so many years earlier at the pool. Because I had allowed myself to compare ME to HER – only by what I saw on the outside, I had determined that I was defective in some way, and ended up with a mindset of UN-truths about myself.

 

I was curious as to why she was speaking on TV and stopped to listen to her. She was speaking to a group of people about drug addictions and was there to tell HER story of the many years she had struggled with a drug addiction. She explained how just a short time after her last child had been born, she left her family to get help at a rehab center. She explained how she had become addicted to drugs and told of the many side effects – one of them being extreme weight loss. 

 

I sat still in front of the TV, with my mouth dropped open, as my mind took me back several years earlier. All this time, I had felt bad about myself and thought I wasn’t as good as she was because I didn’t look the way she did, yet the only reason she was that thin, was because she was addicted to drugs! Was I comparing apples to apples? Of course not. Did I realize it at the time. No. Would I have saved myself a lot of grief had I never compared myself to her in the first place? Absolutely. 

 

Comparing ourselves to someone else and then determining that we are not as good, not as smart, not as beautiful as they are is Satan’s way of getting us down and ruining our self perception. If we have distorted beliefs about ourselves, especially if we formed those beliefs by comparing ourselves to other people, we are unable to live life to it’s fullest and are unable to feel complete joy. 

 

I promise – if you will STOP comparing your life, your situation, your finances, your physical appearances and/or ANY other thing you may compare yourself to others about, you will find true peace in your heart and mind. You will accept yourself more freely and be more loving toward other people and their successes. You will feel emotional wellness in your life, you will feel clarity in your mind and feel gratitude for who you are, what you have and how you were made. In short, your life will feel HAPPY and PEACEFUL. 

 

So next time your mind tries to compare who YOU are, to how someone else is, push that thought away. Don’t plant that negative seed in your mind. Realize that everybody’s situation is different and remember that you never know the entire truth behind what you see. Be happy with YOU. Be happy with your situation. And allow yourself to be happy about your LIFE. 

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