Just Say THANK YOU
When somebody gives you a compliment – especially about your appearances – is it hard for you to simply say “Thank You”? Do you assume they don’t really mean what they say and are just trying to be nice? I know that for me, accepting a compliment is very hard to do. Somewhere in my growing years, I formed the belief that if I said “Thank You” to a compliment, I was agreeing with that person and felt it would make me appear conceited or arrogant. My solution to that problem? Never accept a compliment.
When given a compliment by a kind and sincere person, my reply was always something like this: “Oh, no I’m not” or “Whatever!” or “You must be blind” or “You don’t know what you’re talking about” or “That’s not true.” I became great at shooting down compliments and it became a natural reaction for me.
The problem is, each time you put yourself down, your subconscious mind is picking up on that and actually believes what you say, as being the truth. Whether it is or isn’t true, your mind will believe whatever your voice is saying. So, when someone gives you a compliment and your mind hears you say, “No, I’m not good at that” or “No, I look so terrible today” or “Are you kidding? I look like a fat cow!” you are actually teaching your mind to believe it. The thought that you looked like a fat cow may have never even crossed your mind until you received a compliment saying that you looked great – and you chose to reject the compliment, thinking you were just being humble!
The more you replace kind thoughts and compliments about yourself with negative words, the more you will believe it and somewhere down the road, your self worth will be diminished and you will feel terrible inside.
At one point, I decided it was rude of me to reject compliments given to me by others, so I made a dedicated effort to say “thank you” more often. It was like pulling teeth and it felt very foreign and uncomfortable to me at first. My mouth would say the words, but my mind was thinking, “yeah right…they don’t really mean that.” When it came to compliments that were given to me by my husband or family members however, I felt like it was okay for me to reject them…after all, they were my relatives…they had to say nice things to my face right?
Well, I stood corrected one day when I was visiting with a lady who had been divorced after a 20 year marriage. She heard me time and time again refuse to accept compliments given to me by my husband, and finally decided one day to ask me why I did that. I thought to myself “duh, she should know the answer to this…” and then I said, “Because he doesn’t really mean it. He only says those things because he has to…that’s what husbands do.”
This lady looked me square in the eyes and said, “No, he doesn’t HAVE to.” She then went on to tell me that during her 20 year marriage, her husband never gave her a compliment and if he had, she wouldn’t have taken it for granted the way I did with my husband. Wow. What an eye opener.
Since that time, I have tried diligently to gratefully accept any compliment that is given me. Whether I believe them or not, I accept them by simply saying “thank you”. It has been refreshing for me to notice that over time, the negative thoughts that had once creeped into my subconscious mind, are slowly starting to fade away. In hindsight, I can see that by refusing to accept compliments, and by reinforcing negative thoughts instead, I only did damage to my self perception and self esteem.
What started as simply wanting to be humble actually ended up in self destruction and misery. Thankfully, I have finally learned my lesson and now say thank you when given a compliment.
So do it! Tell people THANK YOU! Tell them GRACIAS! Tell them whatever you feel like – as long as it’s not a negative, rejection of the compliment they have so generously given you. Not only will it make the person giving you the compliment feel good, it will also help you have a healthy self image and love for yourself.
